FROM THE DIARY OF A DISAPPOINTED LOVER

8th March, 1688

I’m in love today and it has been since the beginning.

writing

A pill of you taught me one is overdose.

I had laid my bed to sleep in quiet silence when the image of you brought a rude awakening,

and my heart panted heavily as I opened my mouth in whisper of your name.

My chest weighed a tonne realizing I had just seen you in my sleep,

and forever I would dream of touching your being with my shadow.

It takes a thousand guts to steal a glance of you from far,

and tens of thousands in a thousand places to ask you that question.

I am sick and in agony of much waiting, much thinking.

Thinking you’d find me unworthy,

unworthy of holding your hands and smelling your fragrance;

walking with you on quiet paths of solitude.

A voice said to me: You are not tall enough.

Another whispered: You are not rich enough.

And the third told me how handsome other men are.

Your face will not be in her consideration.

These voices are more regular than my breathing.

8th March 1689

Why do I awake early these days?

submission

It’s to think about you before twilight,

Before morning comes and farm calls.

I have bought us a wagon

I have built us a mansion

In the castle of our kingdom

Forever there’ll be no boredom

All in my dreams of our togetherness.

But where shall I find the armor of courage,

to look you in the eyes and tell what I fear to say?

Shall I tell you with the ink

with the ink write you a poem,

and with the poem sing you sweet melody?

I have recited my lines a thousand times over,

But still, my lips tremble in the mentioning of your name.

My voice cowers when your image touches my inner eyes.

Yes!  It is true.

Teardrops of the night on these pages bear me witness.

I can’t bear this anymore.

When you pass the front of my abode,

my heart squeezes my belly hard,

and my eyes jump out fast as if it’d kiss yours

the hairs on my body stand to peep through the windows in my cloth

and my bones suffer much weakness.

The smell of your passing makes me forget all that I do.

Please don’t walk the path of my gaze anymore.

Such days have seen me fall from the roof peeping,

I have poured fuel in my mouth before,

Just yesterday I set our barn on fire,

because I put fire on father’s cloth while searching for the tip of the candle.

14th February 1690

You touched my red cheeks with your red lips and my memory would be gone in a moment.

My legs lifted from the ground in emotions I can’t explain.

Then my ears gathered the words:

I love you but there’s someone”

My eyes poured out blood and water.

Only they were afraid of the air around you,

In my closet they wet all my bed till it was floating.

My mouth have become enemies with food

Especially because you said there was no one just last month

And I waited this month for the right moment.

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4 thoughts on “FROM THE DIARY OF A DISAPPOINTED LOVER

  1. Change its the only constant thing. Take consolation that she reciprocates your love. If its actually meant to be, the “someone” now may not be there again tomorrow. Just keep the hope alive, and at the same time move on with life. What will be will definitely be

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  2. Words nor deeds… are never enough. When pen kisses paper, emotions come to life like dust in the savanna breeze.
    A thousand years or a million miles, true love always finds its home….through the mountains and rivers of ice, the true heartbeat knows where its beauty cannot be done without.

    Smith Uri-Nagasu.

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